Confusion – Retribution – Solution

I wrote this poem after leaving a very heavy Christian fellowship.

Be warned it is religious…giggle

It was a process I had to go through to undo the damage done to me and to my Faith.

The type of religious indoctrination I had followed is rooted in fear and NOT Love.

This poem was written in October 2004, I have not changed it at all.

I would like to add that my faith has matured but I feel that this poem was a very valuable lesson for me in part of my journey and personal walk as a Christian.

This is a long poem, and a little hard to digest.

For that reason I have decided to break it into 3 parts, and write it as story.

Confusion – part 1

Retribution – part 2

Solution – part 3


Intensity in prayer, Of feelings unaware. Suppressed hurt and fear. Explode as uncontrolled anger, frustration, confusion, tears of guilt. Is this what God is really about?

Disappointment it burns. As my head twists and turns.

Too many questions in my brain.

Am I fighting sin or going insane?


Where is my Rock to stand on? This isn’t God…This must be Satan.

Get out my head, leave me alone! I listened once, but now I’ve grown. God is not, how you make him seem. He’s not vindictive, callous or mean. That’s just you confusing the issue, get behind me satan, I will not miss you!

On this Rock I will stand. As my Lord takes my hand. My foundations now sound. My roots in good ground. You just can’t take the pace, as my faith I embrace.


Is this just my interpretation? Good versus Evil, His Divine intervention. Of my soul, do I truly surrender? Emotionally broken! Or … a big pretender?

In life’s turmoil, I’m faced with confusion. Dragged along by the world. What is the solution?

Clarity of mind is what I will seek. No answers anywhere, I fear I’ll grow weak.

“Keep me safe O Lord, while you bring me near.

Help me see your plan, help my mind be clear!”

Peace of mind, heart, soul, true tranquillity. The spirit yearns for this necessity. Humility and Prayer are my retribution. For my sins are no-more! The Lamb is my salvation!

Only through the blood of Jesus my Saviour.

Will I reap the solace of my creator.


Let’s get things in perspective, your life is a gift to be lived. Over exaggerated emotions, can cause life it’s commotions.

Look at Jesus in Gethsemane. How let down was He?

Intensity when praying, you haven’t got a clue

Jesus on the Mount of Olives, Luke 22

His sweat was drops of blood, that fell to the floor

Read it, feel it, verse 44

There is no fear in love, you’ve built up walls and shut the door perfect love drives out fear

Verse 18, 1 John, chapter 4

This warped perception that God is mean, you should read

Psalm 86, verse 15

Slow to anger, abounding in love. The way you feel is not from above.

Your inner peace is from God, this only comes with praying

He guards your heart and mind, this transcends all understanding

God hears our cries and knows our hearts desire. He lifts us from our slimy pits, out of mud and mire. He is the Rock on which to stand. A new song and the guiding hand

This is from Psalm 40

Encouragement from our Father verses 1-3

But even Peter did it, so don’t you feel so sad. He disowned Jesus 3 times, I bet he felt real bad. But Jesus built His church through him, a fisherman made new.

Chapter 26 verse 34, Gospel of Matthew

Your house is strong, it has been built with the Lord. There will be many times when you feel discord. But remember Matthew 7 and Matthew 13

The wise and foolish builders, and all those about the seeds.

Use the full armour of God and fight till the end. When you are weak, His Angels He will send. And now by faith as Hebrews 11 says. Go…. live life and be free,

‘Cause, faith is being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we do not see.


You can read more about me by following the link below

Alienhippy’s Blog

“A place where I can be me!”


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