She woke up early with a niggling in her head. Should she or shouldn’t she? Confused by this sudden and unexplained change of reasoning she grabbed her mobile and contacted her friend. She knew she needed to pray but this made no sense. Why did she feel so unsure?
She lay there on her bed in her nice tidy room. The sun was shining through the gap at the top of the curtains and spreading it’s magnificent spectrum of light across the ceiling. She looked at the corner of the room a small piece of plaster and fallen down and left a dark yet very small hole in the pure white ceiling of her newly decorated room. She sighed, yet another job to do, why can’t things just stay the way they are supposed to stay.
She decided to get on with the day, getting showered and thinking on her plans. “Let’s go with routine shall we!” She made the decision to do the things she usually did on a Sunday. In her heart she already knew that it wasn’t the best plan, but she was hoping that her negative feelings would dissipate once she settled into her familiar ways.
She arrived late, as usual, this never really affected her as she was very clear in her own mind the reasons why she did this. But today she felt awkward her usual seat was taken, she had to sit in unfamiliar territory. She quickly prayed about this and sat down getting herself as comfortable as she could, around people that didn’t know her at all.
She felt quite distracted in her mind with a lot of hurts that her family are going through. This was the place she needed to be, the place where her struggles could be brought and prayed through. A place of being still or so she had felt before, but not today. She knew she should have just gone to her special place, or to be with the sound of no sound. The booming of the voice had already gotten her on edge. She needed to distract herself but there was so much going on around her and she was in a seat that was not hidden away. She was on full view all she could see were the eyes.
Still she thought to herself, I know God understands me He created me. I know he helps me to get through these things. If I don’t do what I need to do I’m going to have to leave. So…she takes out her mobile phone from the back pocket of her Jeans and opens up a file. On it are stored poems, prayers and words of encouragement. She then opens her photos and looks at all her loved ones. She is sitting there alone and just seeing the smiling faces of those who accept her for who she is, those who love her even with all her quirky ways, makes her feel surrounded. She smiles as these smiles are imbedded in her heart and a warm feeling of joy takes away her confusion.
She then feels a poke at her arm and someone she has never once had a conversation with says, “Stop texting!” This was not done in fun or joke she had noticed this person on other occasions and knew that the person meant what was said. She knew that her ways had offended this persons tradition. She answered with an abrupt, “I’m NOT texting!” but didn’t return the look of disapproval that she was being given. Instead she returned to prayer.
Inside she struggled in her heart to stay in this seat though, every part of her just wanted to walk away. Instead she swallowed the hurt of judgement that had been cast upon her. She prayed to her Heavenly Father asking Him if she was an offence to His name.
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