About alienhippy

Hi... I'm Alienhippy, I write about my journey through life, the ups and the downs. I love painting, writing poetry and sharing what I live. I am an adult with Aspergers Syndrome/Dyslexia and mild ADHD. I lived unaware of this until my daughter started school and problems she experienced were memories of my childhood. My daughter has a diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) Dyspraxia and Sensory Integration Dysfunction. Also my Dad is now diagnosed with Autism…so I think I can quite happily sit somewhere in the middle of the huge spectrum we call Autism. I say happily because for the first time in my life things are now making sense. The pieces of the jig-saw are starting to come together. I am also a Christian and I love to share how God helps me to be me! Love and hugs. xx :)

Only You

psalm 23Only You

by Alienhippy

Only you Lord Jesus can fill this gaping hole

Dance around inside my heart, caress my very soul

You took away my sin, grace nailed it to the tree

You are my everything, your comfort sets me free

~

Nothing can I do to deserve love so complete

I can come to you, lay my all at your feet

Knowing that you care for this life that I live

You will always love me, so my heart to you I give

~

I don’t know where you’ll lead me, I trust in all your plans

When I’m up and when I’m down, I know I’m in your hands

I’ll just accept the love you give, and know that it’s a gift

And all the songs within my heart, to you my voice I lift

~

This world is full of darkness, but you make darkness light

With you I face the future, you give me strength to fight

You hold my hand you wipe my tears, I know you always care

Whatever storm I go through, I know that you’ll be there

~

You’ll give me everything I need, to get through trials I face

You’ll bring me safely home to you, protected in your grace

You forgive me when I lose my way, in all things that I do

So this will always be the call, to come Be Still with you

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You can read more about me by following the link below.

Alienhippy’s Blog “A place where I can be me!”

Flower of gold

Photo taken by a friend

Photo taken by a friend

Flower of gold

by Alienhippy

Come hear my song of brightened delight

Bathed in this glory of radiant white

Alone I rise from this sea of doubt

Head held high yet the odd one out

~

Gaze at my beauty I’m not like the rest

Gentle and sweet always giving my best

Rooted firmly and protected I stand

Forsaken in a crowd but safe in His hand

~

Reaching heart, eyes open to the sky

Accepted in love not questioning why

Radiant in this glory my spirit runs free

Shining like a star and living to be me

~

Swayed by the breeze I’ll bend not break

Alive and growing no longer playing fake

Unique by design this truth I confess

Created to be remarkable, different not less

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You can read more about me by following the link below.

Alienhippy’s Blog “A place where I can be me!”

Escape from my spiral

Click on image for more amazing photos

Escape from my spiral

by Alienhippy

Hollow calls beckon into the darkness of silence

My heart rips as soul is dragged into its empty cavern

A sealed fate of unenlightened despair

Bleeding me of my being, sucking at my energy

Stop your ways you creature of not knowing, you will not win

Stop with your lies you blackened beast, this cave has a way out

This inviting twilight, a glimpse, a glimmer of inbetween

Fragments of a memory will not hinder my voice

An awakened rapturous hold takes me better ways

The illumination of this inner call

So tenderly spoken, a loving whisper

Bringing me up out of my spiral, my twirling doom

Away from its gravitational pull on my mind

I have a voice and as my worth grows you weaken

I can fight you with words, heart words victorious

Your terrors are not my prison any more

Escape your fear, I am no child under tyrant’s restraint

Climbing heart, learning mind, lifted spirit

Levitated from your darkened crevice

I will not be silenced any longer, I will not be caged

I will live and breathe and speak and be

And, I will love

Even from the depths of my pit

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You can read more about me by following the link below.

Alienhippy’s Blog “A place where I can be me!”

Don’t follow the crowd

Don’t follow the crowd

by Alienhippy

Don’t follow the crowd they’re all too loud

With clever words and voices

Sit and be still and see past the thrill

Of opinionated choices

~

It’s all down to me which way I will go

I have my own heart and mind

Go with the mass even though it seems crass

Or pray, wait and see what I find

~

When cornered and beaten in silence He stayed

I know in my heart that His heart would have prayed

The accuser with motive blamed for things never done

God’s love is so deep that He gave up His Son

~

So, I stand alone

Knowing God guides me home.

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You can read more about me if you follow the link below

Alienhippy’s Blog, “A place where I can be me!”

Love Light, Shine Bright

Photo taken with my Blackberry mobile

Love Light, Shine Bright

by Alienhippy

Crushed heart? Mocked spirit? Hidden light?

Don’t go there gentle child

All lies upon lies that feed your mind

None of them truth but silent teases

Empty out these thoughts, those taunts

And breathe in them never more

~

Cleansed in a sacrificial love

Your walk pleasing your heart is filled

Your soul lifted and daily bathed in grace

Shine and be all that you are

This slate has been washed clean

Now let there be a you in this world

~

Do not doubt and hide your face

Wrapping yourself in invisible blacks

Instead let this love light shine so bright

Giving heart to those who pass

Let your light shine bright before you, before all

Seeing worth, knowing truth, giving hope

~

And praise your Father in heaven

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Dancing with flames

Moses and the burning bush. by Deana Harvey

Dancing with flames

by Alienhippy

Captured by your dance

Translucent blue in flames

Colour mingled passion

A sunset through my veins

Such inner peace this spectral twirl

No heat, this freshness breathes

These dancing sparks of stillness

No sound this world deceives

Nesting heart of harmony

Tranquillity has her say

Now I shall lose this comfort

As my dreams walk into day

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Zechariah 13:9

I will refine them like silver and test them like gold. They will call on my name and I will answer them; I will say, “They are my people,” and they will say, “The Lord is our God.”

The psychologist Carl Jung said that fire represents the process of psychological transformation. Just as the alchemists used fire to transform base metals into gold, so the symbol fire is the trigger for the inner transformation. It purges the decay of the past yet is also the giver of light and spiritual truth. It is the eternal flame in the temple of the soul. It is from the fire that the phoenix of hope rises. ~Hidden meaning of dreams

Fractal flame I created using Apophysis

Lover of ashes, JJ Heller

Mirror Tree Speaks

Taken with BlackBerry mobile
Click on photo to enlarge

Mirror Tree Speaks

by Alienhippy

Emptiness it screams, as the silhouettes of yesterday breach my tomorrow

The sheer expanse of melancholy illusion, scratching fingers of burning loss

Pain engulfs but does not belong, it is for another

Time and place unknown, it beckons… so enticing

So invited into the darkened shadows, they tantalise my stream

What is this aching void this fear of feeling and depth that I should let it in?

I stand strong and I breathe, knowing that I belong

~

Growth, a season, a cycle, lapse reminiscence yet familiar

Forgotten then brought to life, vacuous memories now become fruit

Rooted I am in substance, as deep below as I am tall

In the shadows I stand and in my stillness I breathe

Light surrounds me, nurtures me, touching each glimpse of unknown

Within the core of my being I am fed, time shall pass, death brings new life

I stand strong and I breathe, knowing that I belong

~

Cast away exhaustion, travail making room for the new

Joyfully dancing as each breath takes me forward

Firm yet supple, bend with trials and not break, humbly I bow

My way stands strong, creation accepted, it’s who I am

For a duration, I contribute to life in my fullness and my emptiness

I fall but from my deepness I will rebirth

I stand strong and I breathe, knowing that I belong

******************************************************************

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be

(Psalm 139:14-15, NIV)

Emotions let loose

Meltdown shutdown in paint

Emotions let loose

by Alienhippy

I.

Crushed crippled insides

Grafted piety erodes my soul

Attackers voice, loud accuser

Internal wrench of past pain

Constant battering of imaginings

A need of expression

Aching, craving, longing

II.

I yearn humbled seekers

Seekers of the still

Come comforter enter

My Hazenland of desperation

Another soul searcher to rest

Trapped in lonely wanderings

Tainted emptiness ever present

III.

Always teasing, taunting

Away you scars of venom

Cracking this mind to darkened want

Pressing, poking, pushing

Spiked corner of isolation

Spoken or swallowed?

Digested be these fearsome words

IV.

The unyielding nag of deception

Frantic and irrational verging on paranoia

Addicted to abusive mistakes

Patterns pressing deeper

Into this scarlet blood swelled abyss

Solitude, but not peace filled

An island of not knowing

V.

Too confused

Too loud, too bright,

Too obsessive, too demanding

Too passionate

Too sensual

Too many, too much, too much

Too much of everything

VI.

Explosive internal cravings

This heavy drain of guilt

Those judging eyes

They tell of my wretchedness

Or is it their own?

I cling to truth

Knowing I am enough

VII.

I know love

I am loved

He is love

I. how the religious can sometimes make me feel

II. yearning for spiritual connection and communication

III. my sin and fear, self judgement after being in a religious sect

IV. confusion caused by absorbing the emotions of others

V. how this world can sometimes make me feel

VI. how people can sometimes make me feel

VII. giving it all to God

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NOTE: Hazenland is an imaginary world, a place of escape and acceptance.

The Still Small Voice

image from Google

The Still Small Voice

by Alienhippy

I wish I wasn’t so intense

Because it causes so much stress

My thoughts and feelings pour from me

Then I’m left in one big mess

Not knowing if I’ve said too much

Or worded it the right way

I know I’m honest and speak my truth

But do I always have to say

What’s on my heart and in my head

Can’t I just not care instead

It seems to be the most popular way

But I guess today, I just need to pray

The still small voice I hear

Calms my fear

As tears roll down my face

I am comforted by His grace

My heart just needs to call

My heart just needs to call

by Alienhippy

Patiently I wait on words spoken to my heart

I listen through the loops and hear the still small voice

My heart yearns but my spirit calls peacefully

I feel raised from unknowing and set on a solid truth

That truth is I am loved unconditionally

An inner peace fills me and my heart sings

My lips have a new song of praise

Fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of the one I trust

I look into the heart of the one who gave His life

I know that He is the one I should always look to

Blessings are at my step as I follow His lead

When I fall I know he will always catch me

When I fail to trust and when I lose hope He remains

His gentle voice spurring me on

Holding me in his love, His light everlasting

Whispering soft reminders His hopeful, caring promises

He has no desire for sacrifice, but a willing heart

He just calls my name and wants my love

He has me in His heart and He is living in mine

So many do not see or feel this love

They feel that it is not real but I will stand in the love

I received this gift and will call out Jesus is Lord

When troubles rise and the waters are deep

His hand is upon me guiding and teaching

So patiently He is always loving

Helping me grow in all I do for Him

His plan for me is always better than mine

Bringing me ever nearer to the image He sees in me

Refining me from the inside starting in the heart

Always providing just what I need, I rest under His wing

Exposed and humbled I stand in His presence

Quickly I am covered by His grace and mercy

New every morning I am washed clean by His love

Accepted and loved, created in unique design

Crafted by the master’s hand

I am enough because He loves me

I can be loved because He loved first

I can love because He shows me the way

He will never leave me, I just need to call

Then…Be Still And Know

~

Inspired while reading Psalm 40