Moment of expression

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Moment of expression

by Alienhippy

Moment of expression

Sitting, writing no more time for hiding

Not finding the right words

Knowing they will flow

If only I let go and allow myself to be

Wanting to be real

Is this fear that’s taking hold?

This tightening I feel

Short breaths as I write

Fingers taping, rigid fright

Self forced exposure

Yet to write brings me closure

So many mixed thoughts

Frustrated feelings, emotions

Am I going to push through, be true?

Perfect love it drives out fear

Wipes away the pain and tears

These fears are of my yesterdays

Times when I did not know praise

Rejections from a time unloving

I know the truth, my spirit’s moving

Filling my life, my heart, my soul

Love never gives a fear based goal

That is those who love control

Just triggers, not really forms of stress

Living in light, it’s far less headmess

 I am loved

I know love

I give love

If rejection comes, it creates space

Living imperfection saved by grace

Times set in quiet, then brought out of my pit

I know this pattern, many times I’ve lived it

There is no rule to be pleasing to all

I’ll be joyful and at peace before God

Not bowing down making myself fit

I’ve played that game and now I’ve quit

Recreating self to a mould of another

Brother, sister, friend or lover

Appeasing other, yet denying me

My creation designed in love not seen

Growing from the inside

Eyes opened wide

Loved by the divine

In this space and time

Guided by His Spirit

Mind never stopping

But loving, loyal, kind

A self inflicted heartache

Processing my mind

Brought on by the not knowing

Multiplied in self rejection

And stewed in world seen failure

Am I truly living if I don’t let me out of the box?

Be brave, I am more than the cast of my past.

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This poem was inspired by a little wooden box I have on my coffee table. It has the serenity prayer engraved on the lid. I wrote it quickly and just shared the thoughts that came to me in my quiet time of pondering.

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

–Reinhold Niebuhr

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FROG…HA HA BONK!

Fredrick the frog, image from Google

by Alienhippy

Fredrick the FROG sits on the shelf above my prayer chair

He has a few friends that sit at his side for his needs they really care

He contemplates peace and finding a way to fill his life with hope

He’s a funny old FROG, listening for God and finding new ways to cope

~

Too many times, he has been made to feel sad

As the seeds of fear have been planted

He hates feeling alone even when he’s at home

Love and acceptance, he’s always wanted

~

So he sits and he prays and hopes for better days

Filled with love and laughter and friends

He’s waiting on God that funny little FROG

As the tears help his fears to end

~

Fully.Rely.On.God my Mom used to say

You need to trust when you sit and pray

God loves you more than you’ll even know

Fully.Rely.On.God and you’ll spiritually grow

~

So I’m praying and crying and hating these fears

Planted and dripped in my brain over years

Not knowing the truth from these feelings I feel

It’s just “False Evidence Appearing Real”

~

Sometimes I have to get hit on the head

To realise my thoughts are misguided and led

A FROG falls off a shelf, God’s love He shares

Showing me just how much He cares

 ~

Ha ha…Bonk, on my head! YES… I was hit by a FROG

Spiritually knocking some sense in from God

I don’t have to listen to things that aren’t kind

Or to those who will plant seeds of doubt in my mind

~

GOD IS LOVE, and His love builds me up

I’m facing my fears and drinking this cup

Listening to negative is not good for my health

A friend is a gift I can give to myself

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Quotes:

“A friend is a gift you give yourself.”

~Robert Louis Stevenson

“Friends are the family we choose for ourselves.”

~Edna Buchanan

“Friends are God’s way of apologizing for your family.”
~ Dr Wayne W. Dyer, The Power of Intention:

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What goes HA HA BONK…???

An Alienhippy laughing her head off! ….LMHO (I find it funny…hehehe)

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An old video from my childhood to go with my poem

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You can read more about me by following the link below

Alienhippy’s Blog

“A place where I can be me!”

It is done!

by Alienhippy

I can’t stop the loops, why do I listen to such words?

How can I change the way they feel inside my mind

They grip and tear my heavy heart, such pain

Where can I find my smiling dance again

~

Please hold back your words

To you they only spark a feeling of release

Their poison is released, doubts built over years

I cannot shift these tears, these fears you have unleashed

~

Please ponder on my mind and be more kind

Remember that your words leave your mouth, then set up house

Inside my head, all you have said and my heart is pained

I have to go, be in the still, rest in His arms and hear His will

~

You’ve triggered my rejection and the feeling of alone

I can go home and find the TRUTH, and learn to TRUST again

Stop with your words, I will not listen anymore

It is done!

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NOTE: This poem was not finished when I published it. If you want to read the last part of this poem please follow this link… “It is done!”… was not finished.

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You can read more about me by following the link below

Alienhippy’s Blog

“A place where I can be me!”

God will guide the stone

Image from Google

by Alienhippy

Come close my little one, for you I sent my Son

And I know sometimes it’s hard to trust in me

But I will never leave, I send comfort, I don’t deceive

You have within you my truth to set you free.

~

Don’t listen to the lies, my word has made you wise

So you can fight, not let the enemy win

The victory I will send, I am your Father and your friend

I gave my Son, He took away your sin

~

Just trust I’ll guide the stone, and bring you safely home

Your Goliath to me is just a grain of sand

Be like David sing me psalms, I will deliver you from all harm

I have all your days within my very hand

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You can read more about me by following the link below

Alienhippy’s Blog

“A place where I can be me!”

I don a mask for every day

Image from Google

by Alienhippy

I don a mask for every day

Slip out the door my head will pray

I speak the words my heart will hear

Protect me Lord from all this fear

~

As I’m walking through this day

Give me ears for what you say

With faith my hope will always please

You’ll bring these loops down to their knee

~

These masks can go and I can be

Wonderfully Wired created to be me

Seeing through your eyes, born unique

Living in acceptance gratefully I seek

~

Your Son will help me fully live

Not for myself but learning to give

And in my life your love will flow

My feet and heart will gladly go

~

To every corner that’s in darkness

Tell my story share this gladness

You came to me to heal my pain

In your love, I trust love again

~

Just like a child without restrictions

No tortured confines, obsessive addictions

But giving freely and believing in you

To guide my life and get me through

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You can read more about this poem by following the link below

“I don a mask for every day”

At…Alienhippy’s Blog

“A place where I can be me!”

Internalise

image from Google

by Alienhippy

Can you pick me out the crowd?

I’m not loud

I don’t shout, look any different

But inside I hide

From all that is me.

.

Can you see which one I am?

For a while

I will smile, just like the rest

But the test is

Do I understand why?

.

I can fit in with what is, ‘the norm’

Over time I have learnt to conform

I’ll say I’m fine, if you think to ask

Truth being told

I am wearing a mask.

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You can read more about me by following the link below

Alienhippy’s Blog

“A place where I can be me!”

Butterfly Breeze

image from Google

Butterfly Breeze (free flow poetry)

by Alienhippy

Colour drawn spiralling

Twisting into no thoughts

Twirling and spinning into pretty

NOTHINGNESS… just peace

~

A relaxed mind of

Butterfly dreams

And faraway places

That only my spirit can reach

~

Don’t go away imagination

Please don’t leave me

Take me with you

To your happy place

~

Where Butterflies kiss sweetly

And hurt does not exist

Where colour and sound

Replace words and confusion

~

Take me away on your spectral wings

Carry me on your gentle breath

So I can be free, lost in a place of magical beauty

Where dreams are reality, and tears have no pain

Free flow thoughts while “Listening through the Loops”

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You can read more about me by following the link below

Alienhippy’s Blog

“A place where I can be me!”

Shall I take the cure pill?

Shall I take the cure pill

by Alienhippy

They’ve invented a new tablet, to take my quirks away

It will cure me of my ASD and help me fit today

I’ll be able to understand what it is that I can gain

By being part of what goes on, no-longer live this pain

~

They are giving out this pill tomorrow, I’d better get in line

It might be the answer to the prayers I’ve prayed so many times

I’ll be able to cope with noisy rooms and people will talk to me

I’ll be different from the way I’m made and then I’ll truly see

~

What it is to just be normal and not an obsessive freak

To be seen as just intelligent, and not an eccentric geek

To go into a party and cope with conversation

Be normal, accepted, understood, a manufactured creation

~

Now, I’ve been thinking hard on this and if I take that pill

I’m telling God that He is wrong and I refuse His will

I’m telling Him that He has made a mistake in what He’s done

That His Handiwork is not good enough, the battle isn’t won

~

I know God doesn’t make mistakes, I’m fearfully and wonderfully made

He sent His Son to die for me, He has already been betrayed

A Brother/friend He loved so much, but He knew it was meant to be

Just like my quirks and fears and pain are all to set me free

~

Maybe I will not see it here, but in this world I don’t belong

I do not fit, I might be odd, but to God there’s nothing wrong

With how I’m wired or who I am, I’m unique and will give Him glory

Each day is hard but together with God, I’ll keep looking at Jesus’ story

~

 I am perfectly formed, created as His, protected by Angels above

One day I’ll go home and look in His eyes, surrounded in His perfect Love.

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You can read more about me by following the link below.

Alienhippy’s Blog

“A place where I can be me!”

 

Poem…Please be nice!

by Alienhippy

It’s so hard to see or hear words that are not kind

It does something inside my dyslexic mind

It stops me from reading and makes me feel sick

I’m so glad that praying seems to do the trick

˜

I take it to God and He takes it from me

He gave me dyslexia so I wouldn’t see

A lot of the bad stuff that my aspie can’t take

It causes confusion and keeps me awake

˜

So when I read blogs and my eyes start to stress

I realise what I’m reading, may cause me some mess

In my aspie brain, when later on it starts filtering

So as interesting as it maybe, to God I am listening

˜

He gave me this blessing, that sometimes feels like a curse

But I know that without it, my life would be worse

My aspie brain never stops, and I care very deeply

I’m grateful for my weakness, because it helps me to see

˜

That we are all very different, in our own unique ways

We all have to struggle, to be happy in our days

God loves us all equally, and favourites… He has none

Please be kind to each other, and accept everyone

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You can read more about me by following the link below

Alienhippy’s Blog

“A place where I can be me!”

The Land of the Cleaning Disorder

(Inspired by dropping my breakfast.)

by Alienhippy

Have you ever noticed, when you drop toast

It lands with the butter side down?

Dog hair, Cat hair sometimes even Budgie seed

Stuck in the butter so you frown…

At the Dog as he sits and drools

Pop another slice in, now you have some rules

To stop that OCD, and freaking out again (*a-gen)

Calm yourself down, count to ten

Then think of the time when you had that disorder

Cleaning till your hands bled, verging on the border

Of insanity

You see

My house was once perfect

You could eat off the carpet

Sterilized everything, was my house law

Forbidden was footwear and nowhere was Cat hair

And Dogs were not allowed through my door

Dirty, Smelly creatures dribbling everywhere

Messing my perfection, I didn’t even care

How uncomfortable my house was

For people visiting, throwing them a coaster

Making sure they’re keeping

My immaculate little cell

As pure as it can be

Walking around the kitchen

Mopping spills I cannot see

Plumping up the cushions before guests even leave

Busy, busy cleaning, only I deceive

Myself, because later in my bed

The thoughts going round my head are;

• Did I comb the tassels on the rug?
• I have left a wine glass in the sink!
• I must polish the light bulbs with essential oil in the morning!
• Is the kettle two inches away from the wall, with the flex on the right?

I ended up 6 stone 2, and my hair went thin

I didn’t think enough about the bleach in my skin

Or the time spent re-cleaning every single day

Re-organising toy boxes, but never time to play

Thank God, I saw the light!

What a strange place to see

The land of cleaning OCD

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You can read more about me by following the link below

Alienhippy’s Blog

“A place where I can be me!”